December 02, 2005
Powerful words. Easily misleading conversations.
"Can you please pick that up for me? –No, not that. THAT!"
Yep, I am one of those. One that uses pronoun instead of words. It drives my husband crazy. But hey, he does it too! It’s incomprehensible, it’s incoherent, and sometimes it even creates conflict.
There are several ways to communicate and one of them is verbal. Unfortunately most of us, time to time will not come across as we intended. Conscientiousness and practice is needed for solid and strong communication. Let see how we can avoid misleading conversations.
When you engage in a conversation, ensure that you are following these concepts:
- Ditch the pronouns. Use words that will describe well the meaning of your thoughts without using too many refine words. Use words according to your audience.
- Organize your thoughts before blurting them out. It will be easier to understand the first time around. You may be able to avoid the double or triple explanation. And yes, it’s worth the small amount of time it will take. Try it.
- Use repetition, analogies, or examples to reinforce your ideas.
- Don’t tell the person to pay more attention and don’t ask the person if they understand. Ask what the person understood so far.
When you listen
- Listen. Provide feedback indicating understanding.
- Ask questions if you don’t understand; once they are done talking.
- Don’t fill in words by anticipating what the person is going to say.
- Suspend your judgment and maintain eye contact.
Another point to consider
- Words are powerful. Choose carefully.
Words like:
HATE should become DISLIKE
PROBLEMS should become SITUATIONS
ALWAYS and NEVER should become OFTEN and SELDOM
I CAN'T should become I WILL
YOU (accusatory) should become I (take a stand)
NICE could become GOOD, KIND, FRIENDLY, WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, FAVORITE, AND FANTASTIC
It’s not easy, so practice, practice, practice and think.
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"When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen." –Ernest Hemingway
"One of the basic causes for all the trouble in the world today is that people talk too much and think too little. They act impulsively without thinking. I always try to think before I talk." –Margaret Chase Smith
"The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention… A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words." –Rachel Naomi Remen
Take care,
Lynne
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